Yesterday I had the privilege of speaking at Billy's monthly prayer meeting for pastors in the Richmond area. I arrived prepared to speak but just before entering the building I prayed that the Holy Spirit would keep me from speaking in the flesh and make me a usable tool for His message. I was prepared with a lesson that I was very "comfortable" sharing. After praying and opening with my scripture reading I suddenly felt that I was supposed to share a very private and humiliating letter that I wrote in desperation on my 42nd birthday. I had grabbed it as I left the house, not intending to share it but...Billy wrote of the need to be serious and prepared when we come into the Holy of Holies for our times of devotion and worship. This will make more sense if you know that Billy used to be an ironworker. Here is the text of my response:
Thank you for the opportunity to share the ways in which the Lord is convicting me. I had a well-prepared message that I intended to share but as I started, I felt prompted to share my "letter at 42". I have shared this letter only with Lori and Bill Stephenson (a brother from Canada you will meet at the prayer conference). The day I wrote that letter was a watershed moment in my life. It was at that moment of complete frustration and broken honesty that the Lord started to fan the last faint ember that still burned in my spirit. I don't like to share that letter because it hurts me to say those words and my flesh is embarrassed. If I am learning one thing, it is that the Holy Spirit will not share the throne with my flesh. Any area where I give quarter to my flesh, signifies a reluctant retreat by the Holy Spirit. I have been such a proud man for so many years and it is that very pride that God cannot tolerate. I am so thankful to have a couple of brothers that accept me just as I need to be....
I am so anxious for our trip next month but I know that there is much more ploughing that needs to be done in my hard heart for the soil to be prepared to receive the seed. Ironworkers and farmers know all about sweat, toil and pain....we both recognize that nothing of real value can come easily, but it is only through the dirty, sweaty, agonizing work that the crop,or structure is built.
Thanks for a timely reminder that our devotion time is sacred...not a routine. Muslims, Buddhists, and New Agers all pray and meditate faithfully and sincerely....yet, theirs is a pointless regimen because they have no access to the Holy of Holies. I sense increased brokeness in each of the men who are headed to Canton. It seems as the days get closer, the ploughing in the heart is deeper and more painful. Praise God! He is faithfully preparing us to hear from Him. I want more than anything, to be in a position to respond to His prompting. I believe that God will use this event to change us at the core if, and only if, we are willing to fully surrender, fully trust, and fully obey. I do not believe he will tolerate a comfortable or half-hearted response.
God bless you brother...you are such an encouragement and inspiration to me! I have prayed for you today and will continue to uplift the Davenport clan as the battle continues. Let's encourage each other to press in and keep fighting as the the Oct. Revival Conference gets closer.
Your brother, Steve
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